so much effing rage

I recently realized that as a child I disassociated from any parts of myself that I labeled "bad".  This helped me not to become the statistic I could have been but I kept with the strategy for far too long.  

Currently, I feel like a shadowy mess and painting is my healthiest coping mechanism.  I'm okay with this until I think about my work being perceived as merely therapeutic.  

The quest for a laurel of seriousness is soul sucking.  I'm calling bullshit