delight, anyway

day 50

ace of wands

cycle day 14

68 degrees, cloudy

last quarter

Met with a potential renter who works for the Appalachian Coalition Foundation. Excited to know them whether they rent the space or not. Yet another reminder of all the ways we are held and beautifully entangled. Talked to V. M came to help me clean. Conference with S who gave me a couple assignments to help me gather focus. Skate church with A + R. C borrowed truck and then hung my laundry on the line.

I’m a lucky lucky woman. Or blessed or both or none of it. I just know I’m grateful.

Had a profound realization that I don’t ever have to stop loving R. That I won’t. In the instance that I realized I was withholding unconditional love to someone I vowed to love forever and grew up alongside I felt free. I can’t believe I thought I could stop. I’m seeing, in a brand new way, that loving myself and loving him (or anyone else) is one and the same. I was really out of alignment believing that I could love from a place of diminishment and I was pompous to believe I could help from a place of suffering. There’s much, much more to say here but there’s Easter energy all over this, the light and the shadow of that story, but hallelujah I am free. And with my freedom I am choosing love. And I will fall short and I will gently return myself to love.

Further explorations into the role of eros in collective healing another time.

photo (and photo) taken by Rebecca Ridner